Sunday, January 7, 201810:09 PM
Hye. It's been a while. Last time I wrote I was in Asasi. But now, Im in my 3rd year degree. Haiyaa so many things happened. Most of them are just bad memories. Along the years, many many things happened. My father died when I haven't even got into first year. My family since then have financial issues. Money now seems to be everything. I got into Vet Medicines, which I still do not know if this is what I want. My brain is tired. My heart is tired. I give up too easily in everything. I got fat, I got stressed. I don't know if this is my depression era or whatever they call it. They say family keeps you going but things don't usually go easy that way. They say God is still there but I still cry so hard in my heart, it hurts. I fail almost in everything. I can't think straight. I want to harm myself so bad because I think I want to punish myself for something I can't even do properly. I miss my old life. I miss when everything was so okay back then. This is not me.
I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what I am capable of. My brain is not even functioning, it is as if I'm already brain dead. My heart.... it hurts every single time. I tried so hard to be positive, optimistic but I ended being a loser, being a pathetic human being. What am I suppose to do? They say try and be strong, things will get better. Yeah... what are you? A fortune teller? How do you know my life's someday gonna turn around? Do you really think I am THAT strong? What makes you think I can go through this?
I can't take it anymore. My life.. it's too painful to even move on forward. At the end of the day, I'm alone. No one next to me. I'm useless. I'm worthless. Nobody cares. I'm exhausted. Take me somewhere please... anywhere.